Bipolar - Mountains and Valleys

Adolescents are often taught to become adults before their bodies are physically capable of being adults. The frontal and pre-frontal cortex which control reasoning, organization, judgment and foresight is still beginning to develop within teens and young adults. The frontal lobe may still be in the developing stage when  one is as old as 22 years old.

Gray matter, which involves “thoughts” is in mass-production at the time of adolescence. Having so much gray matter, the brian begins to “trim” and get rid of it. In its place grows white matter, which insulates the brain and brain cells, promoting precision in thoughts and actions. Do to lack of judgment, the teens rely on “gut” feelings and emotions. This causes the teen or young adult to be brash and impulsive. The frontal lobe helps control these impulses.

So, can an adolescent be held accountable for all of their actions? Jay Giedd from the National Institute of Mental Health states, “part of the brain that is helping organization, planning and strategizing is not done being built yet…. It’s sort of unfair to expect to have adult levels of organizational skills or decision making before their brain is finished being built.” What about being held accountable for crimes?

Dr. Chris Mallett surveyed juveniles on death row about abuse and violence in their past. The data:

• 74% experienced family dysfunction
• 60% were victims of abuse and/or neglect
• 43% had a diagnosed psychiatric disorder
• 38% suffered from substance addictions
• 38% lived in poverty

In 1987, 14 juveniles one death row were included in an investigation. 9 of the 14 had neuropsychological disorders and 7 had psychotic disorders since early childhood. The lag and difficulties of not having a fully developed frontal lobe can cause teens to have desperate and poor decisions. 20 - 30% of high school students consider suicide.

Are adolescents given as much of a chance as adults? Are they truly capable of being culpable? While adolescents are less able to make good decisions, have good foresight, have good judgment, and be competent, teens, in this time of molding and change, are more capable of rehabilitation. In many cases, adolescents should be reevaluated and possibly given a second chance. Those who committed serious crimes may have a psychological evaluation and/or have correction - rehab.

I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar I, and I have severe manic and depressive episodes. Mixed moods also are too plentiful. I sometimes interest, freak out, or scare people with the result. I have many psychotic episodes such as switching among 8 (currently 7) personalities, or seeing and hearing things…

I have a strange knowledge of the world. I’ve had personalities since I was a young boy - as far back as I can remember, and they all have deep background stories, lives of their own. The stranger thing is that me, a fifteen year old boy, has personalities as old as 34 years old and as young as 12.  Does this mean I am sometimes more mature for a boy my age and sometimes less mature for someone my age? That seems to be what others have observed.

Those who have not met me in person often guess I’m in my twenties. Sometimes, though, I can be so childish, it seems like I am a pre-pubescent young boy. How does this happen?

Since I was young, I was forced into many emotional situations, and bipolar could probably be the cause of many of them. My father was also hard on me. I don’t see him much, but he had an odd method of parenting. To teach me how to swim, he’d throw me into the deep end of the pool. Sometimes he did quirky, random things like say, “What colour are your eyes?” I’d respond, “Brown, why?” He’d say, “Because you’re full of sh**.” He’d practically force me to drink coffee because he believed I needed to like it.

And then I had many friends who were suicidal, already sexually active, having adult situations forced upon them that should never have been forced upon them at their age. There is also our society, forcing people to grow up really early. You’re in elementary, but we’ll teach you like it’s middle school. Oh, it’s middle school so we’ll teach you like it’s high school. Oh it’s high school, so we’ll teach you like it’s college. Sex, drugs, and alcohol are a big part of our society. And then, there’s also the need to be a grown up, be respected.

I believe all of that had a strong influence on my maturity. Some people respect me and some are in awe at what I present to them. Though, with all of the stress, being a mere fifteen year old, gives me more problems than advantages. I get paranoid and low self-esteem. It is hard to be what others expect you to be. Sometimes, you have to take a break and be your age, but we are so programmed that it is so, so hard.

Sometimes, I just want to be fifteen. I just want to be a kid. I want to stay young and innocent. I want to be relieved of the adult stresses, the independence of being an adult…